Monday, May 11, 2009

Trekking to the Movies

Paige: Hey there. Paige here with, you guessed it, a review of the latest Star Trek movie.

Monica: It was awesome!

Paige: Oh shush, sis. "Awesome" is not a review, it's an opinion.

Monica: Hey, I didn't even like the old Trek stuff, but I think the movie was great. That has to mean something, if a regular non-geek can get into it.

Paige: Yes, yes it does. It means you were sucked in by the gullibility monster. I mean, it is true the characters were great, the movie was well cast, the acting was good, the basic storyline was good. But the science?! Oh my god, you've got to be kidding me. Did any of the writers make even the slightest effort at getting anything right? Couldn't they take the time to look it up on Wikipedia or something? Was a five minute Google search too much to ask for?

Monica: Uhm, who cares?

Paige: Anybody with a brain cares! Ok, folks, if you haven't seen the movie, spoilers below! Lent the rant begin.

Ok, I have no problem with all the Trek basics. Replicators, transporter, and warp drive are fine by me. I have no issue with that. That's just an assumption that with time such things may come to pass. Fine. But they got the science we do know so wrong it defies reason!

First of all, supernovas that threaten the galaxy?! What the hell was that about? Supernovae are bright, granted, but with stars so far apart a supernova could only threaten the local star system in which it resides. So unless Romulus was orbiting the star that blew there was little danger to anyone.

In addition, can anyone tell me how the hell Spock could witness the destruction of Vulcan from another planet? Unless he was on a moon of Vulcan, it is impossible to get a view of Vulcan's demise like he did. I mean, we can't even get a view like that with another planet in our own solar system. If Mars or Venus was gobbled by a black hole the only thing we'd see was a light in the sky winking out. Geez!

Those weren't the only issues, but those were by far the two biggest. If you'd like a list, the Discover magazine news site has a blog detailing more here. From issues with drilling holes to the core of a planet to exposure to space to how black holes really work, the movie was rife with problems.

Now, despite all those other issues, the two I mention above were my biggest ones. If it wasn't for those I think the movie would have been fantastic. With these mistakes, though, I found myself pulled out of suspension of disbelief. Why oh why did J.J. Abrams do that? Anyone with half a brain should have known better.

Monica: Uhm, I didn't notice those.

Paige: And my point is made.

Monica: Why are you being such a bitch?

Paige: I'll tell you if you tell me why Nero didn't just go and use that Red Matter stuff on the star that would destroy his planet before it exploded rather than take revenge on Spock.

Monica: Uhm... I can't.

Paige: Well then, I guess you'll just have to figure it out for yourself then. Sigh Rant done.

Monica: Still an awesome movie.

Paige: Yes, sis. Of course it is.


Claire said...

haha, you're sooo right about how bad the science was, paige.

it was so bad, i have a theory that the writers deliberately made it bad as an homage to the original show and some of the best movies. do you remember the "ion storms" and the space amoebas and the creature that could suck all the salt out of your body through a few spots on your face? or the crazy preposterous idea that a planet could spontaneously explode and knock a nearby planet into the exploded planet's orbit, thus turning the second planet into a desert wasteland with absolutely no water where people could survive anyway for 20 years because one of them happened to have a really big brain? i think that's the kind of science badness they were going for.

i think they said, "who needs technobabble? let's go for some good old fashioned brutal abuse of actual scientific terminology."

but didn't you just love bones? and kirk eating that apple during the kobayashi maru test? and captain pike? and things like that old-fashioned trek beeping that's the first thing you hear when the movie starts? i mean, i was sitting in a wet spot through the whole movie, just thanks to that first little beep!

i know, i know, i'm a total trek slut.

but i loved it!

live long and prosper ...


Zoe said...

Haha, I love you two. Especially Paige (at the moment - I appreciate quality snark.) I haven't seen it yet because I'm not a *huge* Trek fan (I love "The Voyage Home" and "First Contact" and that's kind of it). I do have a girlcrush on Zoe Saldana though (and not just because we share a name - the girl is HOT!) and I've liked everything she's been in. She's got good taste in roles. Money's tight though, so outings to the movie theater are few and far between. I may wait for Blu-ray unless I can be totally convinced to go.


Anonymous said...

Hi all. Love this blog. (First time commenting.)

I'm not a big Trek fan but my family is, Especially hubby. I've heard great things about this movie. Hearing you all talk about it makes me think I may enjoy it with them...good to hear.

Stop by my blog sometime..