Monday, May 11, 2009

Trekking to the Movies

Paige: Hey there. Paige here with, you guessed it, a review of the latest Star Trek movie.

Monica: It was awesome!

Paige: Oh shush, sis. "Awesome" is not a review, it's an opinion.

Monica: Hey, I didn't even like the old Trek stuff, but I think the movie was great. That has to mean something, if a regular non-geek can get into it.

Paige: Yes, yes it does. It means you were sucked in by the gullibility monster. I mean, it is true the characters were great, the movie was well cast, the acting was good, the basic storyline was good. But the science?! Oh my god, you've got to be kidding me. Did any of the writers make even the slightest effort at getting anything right? Couldn't they take the time to look it up on Wikipedia or something? Was a five minute Google search too much to ask for?

Monica: Uhm, who cares?

Paige: Anybody with a brain cares! Ok, folks, if you haven't seen the movie, spoilers below! Lent the rant begin.

Ok, I have no problem with all the Trek basics. Replicators, transporter, and warp drive are fine by me. I have no issue with that. That's just an assumption that with time such things may come to pass. Fine. But they got the science we do know so wrong it defies reason!

First of all, supernovas that threaten the galaxy?! What the hell was that about? Supernovae are bright, granted, but with stars so far apart a supernova could only threaten the local star system in which it resides. So unless Romulus was orbiting the star that blew there was little danger to anyone.

In addition, can anyone tell me how the hell Spock could witness the destruction of Vulcan from another planet? Unless he was on a moon of Vulcan, it is impossible to get a view of Vulcan's demise like he did. I mean, we can't even get a view like that with another planet in our own solar system. If Mars or Venus was gobbled by a black hole the only thing we'd see was a light in the sky winking out. Geez!

Those weren't the only issues, but those were by far the two biggest. If you'd like a list, the Discover magazine news site has a blog detailing more here. From issues with drilling holes to the core of a planet to exposure to space to how black holes really work, the movie was rife with problems.

Now, despite all those other issues, the two I mention above were my biggest ones. If it wasn't for those I think the movie would have been fantastic. With these mistakes, though, I found myself pulled out of suspension of disbelief. Why oh why did J.J. Abrams do that? Anyone with half a brain should have known better.

Monica: Uhm, I didn't notice those.

Paige: And my point is made.

Monica: Why are you being such a bitch?

Paige: I'll tell you if you tell me why Nero didn't just go and use that Red Matter stuff on the star that would destroy his planet before it exploded rather than take revenge on Spock.

Monica: Uhm... I can't.

Paige: Well then, I guess you'll just have to figure it out for yourself then. Sigh Rant done.

Monica: Still an awesome movie.

Paige: Yes, sis. Of course it is.

Monday, May 4, 2009

End of Semester Blues

Monica: Hey sis... whoa. You look trashed. Is that... champaign I smell?

Paige: Oh, hey Monica. Yeah, I'm beat. God I'm tired.

Monica: You, out partying? Little miss responsible? I never would have thought it.

Paige: Oh, no, I didn't drink a thing. Ok, not much, at least. It's the end of the school year. They had that celebration I mentioned for the seniors turning in their theses. I think I had three bottles of cheap champaign dumped on my head.

Monica: Oh yeah, you mentioned that. But wasn't the thesis thing on Friday?

Paige: Yeah, why?

Monica: Well, it's Monday.

Paige: Oh, crap!

Monica: Sure you didn't do anything? Get high, maybe? Lost time is pretty bad.

Paige: No, no... I just didn't sleep, and the contact high, I suppose. You know, there was the music and dancing, and the maze...

Monica: A maze.

Paige: Yeah! They built a big wooden maze in the center of campus. And there was the naked slip and slide...

Monica: Naked slip and slide...

Paige: Oh, and there was the Feast, softball, a room full of bouncy balls, and the Picting.

Monica: Picting?

Paige: Oh, a whole bunch of us painted ourselves blue and ran around naked, hugging people.

Monica: Ok, there is that naked thing again. It does explain the blue stuff all over your clothes, though. Does RB know about this?

Paige: Uhm... no. And don't tell him.

Monica: You didn't... do anything, did you? You know, with anyone? I mean, it sounds like a big drunken orgy to me.

Paige: Oh no, no, no. Most definitely not. RB is my guy, you know that! I just don't want him jealous is all.

Monica: What, of you running around naked hugging people?

Paige: Well... yes. But I was blue. Nobody recognized me, at least, I think they didn't.

Monica: Yeah, right. Well, I have to get to work. You go to bed. I'll see you when I get home.

Paige: Yes, sleep...

Monica: But shower first! I will not have our bed smelling like a brewery.

Paige: But I thought you liked breweries.

Monica: Only when I'm trying to get RB sloshed. He's more fun that way. Boy's a little shy, you know. But you better clean yourself up before he gets home or he'll know exactly what you were up to.

Paige: Yes, Mom.

Monica: Turn around is fair play. And next time try to get better champaign pored on yourself. That stuff smells terrible.

Paige: Yes, Ma'am.

Monica: And invite me, next time. I like parties.

Paige: What? And have you go around corrupting the freshmen? No way.

Monica: I'd be nice.

Paige: And what would RB think?

Monica: Well, what goes to there, stays there, right?

Paige: Smirk Uh huh. Right.

Monica: I wouldn't talk, blue girl. And besides, RB lives with two girls. He should feel privileged with whatever he gets.

Paige: Too true. Ok, I'll get you a guest pass next year.

Monica: Good. Now I better go or I'll be late. Sleep well!

Paige: TTFN!