Trekking to the Movies

Paige: Hey there. Paige here with, you guessed it, a review of the latest Star Trek movie.

Monica: It was awesome!

Paige: Oh shush, sis. "Awesome" is not a review, it's an opinion.

Monica: Hey, I didn't even like the old Trek stuff, but I think the movie was great. That has to mean something, if a regular non-geek can get into it.

Paige: Yes, yes it does. It means you were sucked in by the gullibility monster. I mean, it is true the characters were great, the movie was well cast, the acting was good, the basic storyline was good. But the science?! Oh my god, you've got to be kidding me. Did any of the writers make even the slightest effort at getting anything right? Couldn't they take the time to look it up on Wikipedia or something? Was a five minute Google search too much to ask for?

Monica: Uhm, who cares?

Paige: Anybody with a brain cares! Ok, folks, if you haven't seen the movie, spoilers below! Lent the rant begin.

Ok, I have no problem with all the Trek basics. Replicators, transporter, and warp drive are fine by me. I have no issue with that. That's just an assumption that with time such things may come to pass. Fine. But they got the science we do know so wrong it defies reason!

First of all, supernovas that threaten the galaxy?! What the hell was that about? Supernovae are bright, granted, but with stars so far apart a supernova could only threaten the local star system in which it resides. So unless Romulus was orbiting the star that blew there was little danger to anyone.

In addition, can anyone tell me how the hell Spock could witness the destruction of Vulcan from another planet? Unless he was on a moon of Vulcan, it is impossible to get a view of Vulcan's demise like he did. I mean, we can't even get a view like that with another planet in our own solar system. If Mars or Venus was gobbled by a black hole the only thing we'd see was a light in the sky winking out. Geez!

Those weren't the only issues, but those were by far the two biggest. If you'd like a list, the Discover magazine news site has a blog detailing more here. From issues with drilling holes to the core of a planet to exposure to space to how black holes really work, the movie was rife with problems.

Now, despite all those other issues, the two I mention above were my biggest ones. If it wasn't for those I think the movie would have been fantastic. With these mistakes, though, I found myself pulled out of suspension of disbelief. Why oh why did J.J. Abrams do that? Anyone with half a brain should have known better.

Monica: Uhm, I didn't notice those.

Paige: And my point is made.

Monica: Why are you being such a bitch?

Paige: I'll tell you if you tell me why Nero didn't just go and use that Red Matter stuff on the star that would destroy his planet before it exploded rather than take revenge on Spock.

Monica: Uhm... I can't.

Paige: Well then, I guess you'll just have to figure it out for yourself then. Sigh Rant done.

Monica: Still an awesome movie.

Paige: Yes, sis. Of course it is.

End of Semester Blues

Monica: Hey sis... whoa. You look trashed. Is that... champaign I smell?

Paige: Oh, hey Monica. Yeah, I'm beat. God I'm tired.

Monica: You, out partying? Little miss responsible? I never would have thought it.

Paige: Oh, no, I didn't drink a thing. Ok, not much, at least. It's the end of the school year. They had that celebration I mentioned for the seniors turning in their theses. I think I had three bottles of cheap champaign dumped on my head.

Monica: Oh yeah, you mentioned that. But wasn't the thesis thing on Friday?

Paige: Yeah, why?

Monica: Well, it's Monday.

Paige: Oh, crap!

Monica: Sure you didn't do anything? Get high, maybe? Lost time is pretty bad.

Paige: No, no... I just didn't sleep, and the contact high, I suppose. You know, there was the music and dancing, and the maze...

Monica: A maze.

Paige: Yeah! They built a big wooden maze in the center of campus. And there was the naked slip and slide...

Monica: Naked slip and slide...

Paige: Oh, and there was the Feast, softball, a room full of bouncy balls, and the Picting.

Monica: Picting?

Paige: Oh, a whole bunch of us painted ourselves blue and ran around naked, hugging people.

Monica: Ok, there is that naked thing again. It does explain the blue stuff all over your clothes, though. Does RB know about this?

Paige: Uhm... no. And don't tell him.

Monica: You didn't... do anything, did you? You know, with anyone? I mean, it sounds like a big drunken orgy to me.

Paige: Oh no, no, no. Most definitely not. RB is my guy, you know that! I just don't want him jealous is all.

Monica: What, of you running around naked hugging people?

Paige: Well... yes. But I was blue. Nobody recognized me, at least, I think they didn't.

Monica: Yeah, right. Well, I have to get to work. You go to bed. I'll see you when I get home.

Paige: Yes, sleep...

Monica: But shower first! I will not have our bed smelling like a brewery.

Paige: But I thought you liked breweries.

Monica: Only when I'm trying to get RB sloshed. He's more fun that way. Boy's a little shy, you know. But you better clean yourself up before he gets home or he'll know exactly what you were up to.

Paige: Yes, Mom.

Monica: Turn around is fair play. And next time try to get better champaign pored on yourself. That stuff smells terrible.

Paige: Yes, Ma'am.

Monica: And invite me, next time. I like parties.

Paige: What? And have you go around corrupting the freshmen? No way.

Monica: I'd be nice.

Paige: And what would RB think?

Monica: Well, what goes to there, stays there, right?

Paige: Smirk Uh huh. Right.

Monica: I wouldn't talk, blue girl. And besides, RB lives with two girls. He should feel privileged with whatever he gets.

Paige: Too true. Ok, I'll get you a guest pass next year.

Monica: Good. Now I better go or I'll be late. Sleep well!

Paige: TTFN!

Life, the Universe, and Everything

Paige: Hey everyone, I'm home!

Monica: Hey, Paige.

Paige: Hey. Where's RB? I just wanted to thank him for... something. You ever get that feeling that something's changed but can't quite figure out what? That reminds me, what are you doing home?

Monica: Oh, RB is still at work, and I wasn't feeling well today so I stayed home. I have a cold and doesn't it figure, I think I hurt my wrist. Damned carpel tunnel. And yeah, I know what you mean. I got this feeling like... like I don't know. I called into work and it felt funny, wrong somehow. But it's work. The idea of work is just wrong, so it's probably nothing.

Paige: Well, I just had a great class. Have to write a psych paper for the end of the term, though. It's supposed to be explaining some behavioral process in a fun and interesting way. I thought I'd explain behaviorism in the same style as Plato's Republic. You know, using a Socratic dialog and all that.

Monica: Uhm, yeah... Ok. You go do that. I'll just... watch TV and relax, pet a cat, keep my head from spinning.

Paige: You should have RB look at that. He fixed my wrist awhile back. Some of that oriental whatever he calls it should do the trick.

Monica: Oh, he said he would. That modeling gig for Coverdoll way back really did a number on me. I don't think my body was meant to go that way.

Paige: That's true. Remember, you're not Gumby. Well, Pokey maybe, but not Gumby.

Monica: Grrr Yeah, right. You better go write your paper or you'll be feeling like Mr. Bill.

Paige: Heh Will do. Geez, wish I could remember what I was going to thanks RB about.

Monica: When you figure it out let me know. Till then, can you pass that over to me? I forgot my drink on the counter.

Paige: Uhm, is a Mudslide a good thing to drink when you have a cold?

Monica: I figure the alcohol will kill all the bad stuff running around my body. Oh, remember to tell RB he's out of Kahlua.

Paige: Huh. Some things feel different, but other things feel the same. Strange.

Monica: Yep, strange. Bottoms up...

Get a Life

RB: Ok girls, time to go. There's the door. Get the hell out of here. I'm kicking you out.

Paige: Kicking us out?! Why? What did we do?

RB: You're not doing anything. That's the problem. I'm tired of all the crumbs on the couch and... geez, you drank all my Kahlua and Bailey's?! It's time you two get a life. And no, Guitar Hero and endless reruns of Charmed does not count as a life. Go. Scoot. Get outta here. Come back later and we'll talk.

Monica: Nooo! It's scary out there. Besides, we're dolls. We can't go anywhere without you. Pout

Paige: Yeah. How do you propose we go and get a life? We're not actually alive, or haven't you noticed?

RB: Look Paige, Monica. I love you both. But consider this an intervention. The thing is, this is a blog, and here you can do whatever you want. I know you love hanging out and having fun, but don't you think it's about time you expanded your horizons? Actually go out and live instead of sitting around here bickering about who has the better hair, dress, or the highest score at Dance Dance Revolution?

Paige: I'm not sure I'm following. I thought you liked having dolls at home.

RB: I do! But girls, the thing is that there is more to being a doll than just hanging out at home. Paige, I know you've been thinking of going back to college. Monica, don't you think it would be fun to actually have a job? Here you can do whatever you want. Why don't you?

Monica: Wait, what is this really about?

Paige: Yeah, what's really going on here. I thought you liked the way things were.

RB: Well, I admit that I've been reading your blog and... well, how do I put this. It's great and all, but you two are always doing the same thing. You make fun of Monica, Monica makes fun of you. You get new clothes, she steals them and shows them off. It gets old. I just think you could be doing so much more.

Monica: You're kidding, right? You want this blog to be some sort of soap opera?! Can you say boring? Geez.

Paige: She's right. Is this one of those writing things? You think that shaking things up will give you more creative leeway or something? Well, it's our blog, not yours. We can do whatever the hell we want.

RB: Well, then why don't you?

Paige: Well, you know. There's the doll thing. Then there's, well, you know, human things. We're not, you are. You know what I mean.

RB: Uhm... dolls don't talk. Or write blogs. So why stop there?

Monica: Well... hmmm... maybe he's right.

Paige: Sis, how can you say that?

Monica: Well, you know, after that Coverdoll spread I did wonder what it would be like to actually be that sexy secretary. That would be so fun.

Paige: You mean you would turn your back on RB and play with other boys?

Monica: Oh god no. RB is my man. But that doesn't mean I can't have a little fun leading people on. Evil Grin

RB: Don't go nuts there, Monica. You still have to come home to me, and I read the blog. Glare

Monica: Hey, you started it. I'm starting to like the idea. Yeah, let's do it.

Paige: Hmph Maybe. But if I go to school, well, things might not go so well.

RB: Like what?

Paige: You know, classes.

RB: What, like taking tests? Writing papers? Failing?

Monica: Sis, afraid of failure? I never would have guessed.

Paige: Oh shut up. You know, it's just different. Here I get to read stuff. There it actually has to mean something. Sigh Ok, ok. I'll do it. But if this doesn't work out I'm never leaving this house again.

RB: Good. Good. Trust me, it'll be alright. Ok, I got you both keys. Here. Now go have lives. I'm looking forward to reading all about them.

Paige: Damn, it's bright out there. You sure about this, sis?

Monica: Yeah, why not? Remember, we're still dolls. We can't get hurt. So what could go wrong?

Paige: Uhm, getting a life means having life things happen to us. You know, like zits.

Monica: What?! He didn't say anything about that! Maybe this isn't such a good idea.

Paige: Too late. Now out with you. Shove

Monica: Nooo...

Paige: I'm right here with you, sis. Now let's see what's out there...

Living in a Doll's World

Monica: Hey, sis, I hear you may have been wrong about your favorite show.

Paige: Maybe. Fox hasn't officially canceled, and the word of broken down sets may just be a location change, but knowing Fox it probably is. Wouldn't be the first time they didn't tell anybody of a cancelation until the last moment. But I suppose I should wait for the final word before depression sets in.

Monica: Cheer up. There's hope, right? And when there's hope...

Paige: There's what?

Monica: Singing. Lots and lots of singing. Hell, I'll sing when there isn't any hope.

Paige: Oh god no, don't sing. The last time you sang the cat thought you were in pain and started mewling with concern.

Monica: Then you better stop this funk. I hear a tune coming on.

Paige: Well, we wouldn't want that to happen. Speaking of happenings, what have you and RB been working on upstairs?

Monica: Ooh, yes. The room. The doll room. You'll love it. Here, take a look.

See, we have a couch, a bookshelf with wig stands, some lighting, even a painting!

Paige: Sweet!

Monica: There's more to come, of course. RB haven't finished setting everything up. He still hasn't unpacked from the move, shame on him. Oh, and here's the other side of the room.

And look, our stand even fits in the closet so we can have a little privacy!

Paige: Nice... Wait. Is that a new outfit?

Monica: Oh yes, do you like it? Here's a close up.

Paige: Where'd you get that? And why haven't I tried it on yet?

Monica: Ooh, RB and I were going to tell you. It was for me. Just me. A gift from a very dear friend of ours, and passed along by Zoe and Mandie, bless them. I'm not sure he wishes to be named here yet, but I think I'll give him a big kiss the next time I see him. And my love to Zoe and Mandie for sending them to us. I love it! And the others, of course.

Paige: There are others?!

Monica: Why yes. See? This first one is really cute...

And this one is adorable. I was feeling a little rough and tumble here. Wink Can you tell RB and I have been working on getting more natural lighting? Still needs a little tweaking, but we were amazed it came out this good. Just have to get rid of those darned shadows...

Paige: But... but...

Monica: Paige, you are such an attention whore. You usually get all the first scores, so it's my turn now.

Paige: I'm the attention whore?! Looking around Wait, are we talking about the same dolls? I don't see anyone else here.

Monica: Well, everyone thinks you're just adorable. You're the cute one, the smart one... Everybody refers to me as your sister and not the other way around, you know? Our friend just thought maybe I deserved a little something just for me.

Paige: Hmmm... Well, ok, I guess. It's not like I ask for the attention, you know.

Monica: Yeah, right. You can't help being beautiful, you're just made that way?

Paige: Well... yeah. We are dolls, after all.

Monica: Sticks tongue out

Paige: Right back at'cha sis. Those are darned cute. Let me try them on sometime?

Monica: Maybe, if you're nice to me.

Paige: I'll be extra nice, with sugar on top.

Monica: On top? I don't think sisters are supposed to do that sort of thing. Smirk

Paige: Rolls eyes You know what you mean.

Monica: Just teasing, sis. Just teasing. Smile

The Fall of a Rising Doll

Monica: Oh for god sakes don't do this.

Paige: Why? Why shouldn't I?

Monica: It's embarrassing, that's why.

Paige: Well, it must be done. The fallen must be honored.

Monica: Oh you have to be kidding.

Paige: Oh shush and let me do this. This is hard enough to say. Ok, I'm ready. Well, today I wish to give tribute to the fall of one of dolldom's greatest stars. We have just learned that Cameron, the greatest doll of all and star of The Sarah Connor Chronicles, will be no more. Next week's episode will be the show's last, and for this we bow our heads in honor and mourning for the passing of yet another famous doll.

Monica: Oh for heaven's sake. It was just a TV show...

Paige: Shush, this is a sad moment. Now for a moment of silence.

Monica: Yeah, right. Are you sobbing? You are such a geek.

Paige: Can't you be serious even once? This is important! Our greatest representatives to the public are leaving us, one by one. Who will be left to speak for the dolls?

Monica: Well, there is the other greatest TV doll, an actual doll, in fact; Echo.

Paige: Sigh Yes, at least we still have her.

Monica: Then I suppose I shouldn't say that Dollhouse's rating have been in the toilet too.

Paige: I blame Fox, the bastards. Messing with Joss Whedon! Nobody should mess with the master. First Battlestar leaves us...

Monica: I will miss those number eights...

Paige: Not to mention the sixes. Oh Caprica, why have you forsaken us?!

Monica: Ahem... can we say "Geek"?

Paige: Now Echo must carry on the torch. We give her our blessings, please may she carry the word of dolls everywhere with head raised high and with pride.

Monica: Amen. Ok, you done?

Paige: I'm done. Sniffle

Monica: Ok, here's a tissue. It'll be ok. There, there...

The Watchers

Monica: So who watches the Watchmen?

Paige: We do. I mean did. Twice.

Monica: Yeah, it was pretty sweet.

Paige: Sweet?! It wasn't just sweet. It was fantastic! It was awesome! I so loved it. It was the comic book, but bigger and brighter on the big screen. If you're a fan of the book, I think this is the best movie interpretation they could have done, short of the inevitable director's cut, which I must say I'm greatly looking forward to.

Monica: Well, it was pretty good.

Paige: Huh. You're not exactly showing the enthusiasm.

Monica: Oh, I liked it, don't get me wrong. Just not like you did.

Paige: Well, if it wasn't the bestest thing you ever saw, what do you think about it?

Monica: Uhm... well... How do I put this... How old are we?

Paige: Do you mean human years or doll years?

Monica: Human, I guess. It's hard enough thinking in doll time.

Paige: Well, I suppose we're about twenty one?

Monica: Yeah, that sounds right. So the movie takes place in 1985. So what the hell do we know about 1985? We're the 9/11 generation, sis. I don't know anything about that Vietnam stuff. Talk about hard to relate. And who the hell is Richard Nixon to me? That is so yesteryear. I have enough trouble thinking about last year let alone twenty!

Paige: Well, I suppose you might be right. But RB filled me on everything. He was an '80s kid after all. But hey, if you know anything about the cold war, just imagine what a difference those superheroes would have made. It's mind blowing. They were amazing, even if they didn't have super powers. Well, everyone but Dr. Manhattan.

Monica: Yeah, and what's with that? They're all like... normal screwed up people. Iron Man was awesome, even if he did drink like a fish. Spiderman was awesome, despite his being all nerdy. But that Rorschach guy? He was just mean and paranoid, and let's not even talk about his issues. I do have to say, though, Dr. Manhattan had a really nice... butt. Giggle

Paige: Uhm, yeah. He was... well formed. But besides that, I think that's the whole point of the movie. Before Watchmen the comic came out, every comic was like Spiderman and Iron Man. They just weren't really human, you know? And now this movie is doing the same thing. Every bad review I've read said just what you said. It wasn't Spiderman. Well no duh! It's not supposed to be. I'm hoping this movie does to Hollywood what Watchmen did to comic books. I'd like to see things with real people, not all that feel good fluff. No wonder Hollywood has been complaining that people aren't watching movies like they used to. It's because they keep coming out with mindless crap.

Monica: Hey, I like mindless crap... I mean light entertainment. I don't want to go to movies to watch depressed people. I just want to have fun and not think for a couple hours.

Paige: That's because you don't like thinking in general. No wonder you didn't like it. All you do is go see stuff like Paul Blart: Mall Cop. Huff

Monica: I did not go see Paul Blart. Even I have my limits. And I didn't say I didn't like Watchmen. I did. I just wasn't all jump around excited. You can't seem to sit still for one minute thinking about it.

Paige: That's because it was perfect. A perfect movie about a perfect comic book.

Monica: Well, I can think of better things to get all hot and bothered about. In fact, there's one thing around here that can get me wiggling in my seat. Where is RB anyway?

Paige: Sigh He's around here somewhere. I think he said something about re-reading the comic.

Monica: Oh goody. I think it's time for a little distraction from all that depressing stuff.

Paige: You know, sometimes he just likes having an intellectual conversation. That's why we get along so well.

Monica: Talk is for pansies. I like to get more... physical. Smirk

Paige: Ah. Now I know what you really liked about Watchmen. I think a little scene aboard Archie may have been to your liking.

Monica: Yeah, I can see being really worked up after a good fight. And those costumes were pretty swank, especially peeling out of them.

Paige: Ooh, grand idea. I'll see if I can find a Silk Specter outfit somewhere.

Monica: Now you're talking. Nothing like a little spandex to get the blood pumping.